I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize