when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
