I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Enjoy the penises
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
