Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
