I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
