You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
