Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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