Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
