You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
