Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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