yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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