Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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