you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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