I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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