I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
