Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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