I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
