Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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