is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I enjoy the company of your penis
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
