Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
