Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
