The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize