I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
