Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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