The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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