Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
