How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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