I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Randomize