Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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