Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
