This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
