What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
