I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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