dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
