I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
