she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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