That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
