I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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