I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
