Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
