She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
