WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
not ubering you a puppy
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
