I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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