Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
