dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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