Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
