She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
