just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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