She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
