is your mom at the bar?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
