I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
