Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
