Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
