you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
