u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
