I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize