I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
