im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
