i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
