i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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