Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
