You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
