This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
