he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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