Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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