Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
