I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
