I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
