I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize