My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize