i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
