Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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