you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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