Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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