Your dad touched me again.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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