guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
