He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
