Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize