I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
