there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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