There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
In America we eat man semen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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