Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I booty called her while she was in labor.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
