Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
