At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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