you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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