The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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