hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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