i would punch a child for taco bell
i just google imaged poop.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
