pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
