i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
