I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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