His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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