She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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